I had parents who loved me and provided for me, I have experienced privilege as a white, cis gendered woman and I’ve had experiences in childhood and as an adult that have overwhelmed my nervous system, left me feeling unsafe and at the time unable to move the energy of pain, terror or horror through my body.

Understanding and integrating trauma has been a key in my own healing journey. I have spent the past two decades listening to and learning from my body, I've spent thousands of hours exploring my felt sense, through psychotherapy, movement meditation, pausing in silence, vocal improvisation and body work.

Some of my learning about trauma has come from practicing as a Social Worker for ten years where I first began to recognise the inter-generational nature of trauma and the impact of poverty, patriarchy and white supremacy. I learnt more about the impact of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse as well as neglect and the importance of responses that address the system as well as the person. I became a therapeutic social worker and worked with children and their carers where abuse had occurred. Here I learnt the foundations of building safety and connection through play with these children.

I entered Gestalt Psychotherapy as a client in 2001 for 7 years, it is here where my own experience of childhood mis-attunement from my parents, peer bullying and teenage sexual assault first were able to surface and where I began to learn to metabolise energy and regulate my nervous system. I continued to work as a social worker and began to recognise the significance of vicarious trauma.

I went on to realise how building my own inner and outer resources was essential for working with people. I studied Gestalt Psychotherapy for 4 years at SCPT and continued to access individual therapy, supervision and work with clients as a psychotherapist in advanced training. Gestalt is a body oriented therapy and my training included knowledge and skills around working with trauma.

I became a trainer for the NSPCC in 2010 where I delivered trauma informed therapeutic work courses for social workers specialising in sexual abuse. I was in this role for 8 years and then for 2 more as an independent trainer. This allowed me to deepen my learning about trauma, to learn about a range of ways of working with the body and creativity that would ease symptoms of trauma and help children, young people and their families get their lives back on track. I learnt to find the language to help others understand complex information and to appreciate the support needed for professionals to work effectively with traumatised people.

I’ve experienced lots of massage as a client, with many different practitioners over the years. For a while receiving touch felt foreign, occasionally threatening, and reminded me of past trauma (even though this wasn’t always conscious). I felt deeply the healing power of touch but occasionally my body reacted badly, I felt overwhelmed or I shut down during the session or after i’d left. This vulnerability lead me to train as a massage therapist and into an enquiry about what trauma aware massage might look like.

I’ve found that I need clear boundaries to feel safe, that my nervous system re-regulates when I slow down, notice my breath, feel my feet on the ground. When I spend time in nature, when I co-regulate with loved ones, when i move my body mindfully and make sounds that resonate through my system, my nervous system thanks me and does its job of helping me navigate through life. Befriending my nervous system has become an essential source of support in my life and a high priority for my work, leaving me able to recover more efficiently after stress and act as a resource to others when they need it.